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would think of nothing but dying and doing the Will of God.

On the part of my family, which also suffered in seeing me
in that state, they tried to send for some priest, but one would
not come because of this, another because of that. After ten
days came the confessor who used to confess me when I was

little, and it happened that he too was able to make me come
round from that state. Then I realized the net in which the

Lord had wrapped me.

From here, a war arose against me on the part of priests
some would say that it was a pretence, some that beating was

needed, others that I wanted to make myself believed a Saint;
some would add that I was possessed, and many other things,
such that, if I wanted to tell them all, the story would be too

long. So, with these ideas in their minds, when the sufferings
would occur and my family would send for one of them,
they would have such strange reactions, that my poor family
suffered very much, especially my poor mama how many

tears she shed for me. O! Lord, reward her You Yourself.
O! my Good Lord, how much I suffered on this side You
alone know everything.

So, who can say how bitter this situation turned out to be
for me that the priest was needed in order to free me from
that state of sufferings. How many times I prayed, shedding

most bitter tears, that He would free me! How many times I
made explicit resistance to the Lord when He wanted me to

offer myself as victim and accept the pains. I would say to
Him: “Lord, promise me that You will free me Yourself, and
then I will accept everything; otherwise no, I don’t want
to accept.” And I would resist the first day, the second, the

third.... But who can resist God? He would tell me so many
things, that in the end I was forced to submit myself to the
Cross.

Other times, I would say to Him from the heart and with
familiarity: “Lord, how is it that You have done this? How

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