Page 40 - volume1
P. 40
confessor came, he found me in that state of dozing. When I
came round, he asked me what was wrong with me. Keeping
silent about all the rest, and since at that time the troubles of
the demons and the visits of Our Lord continued, I only said
to him: “Father, it is the devil.”
He said to me: “Do not be afraid, for it is not the devil;
and if it is, Father will free you.” So, giving me the obedience
and marking me with the sign of the Cross, and helping me
to loosen my arms, for I felt my whole body petrified as if
it had become one single piece, he managed to restore the
motion of my arms, and to let me open my mouth, which
before had been unmovable to everything. I attributed this
to the Sanctity of my confessor, who was truly a holy priest.
I held this almost as a miracle; so much so, that I would say
to myself: “See, I was prepared to die” because I really
felt ill, and if that state had lasted, I believe I would have left
life. However, I remember that I was resigned, and that when
I saw myself free, I felt a certain regret for not having died.
Then, after the confessor went away and I remained free,
I returned to the state of before. And so it happened that
I spent, sometimes one week, sometimes fifteen days, and
even months, being surprised by that state every now and
then during the day, and I was able to free myself by myself.
But when I was found out very frequently, as I said before, my
family would then send for the confessor; more so, since they
had seen that the first time I had been freed, while everyone
believed that I would never again recover from that state. But
then I went down to church and I returned to that state again,
and so they would send for the confessor, and then I would be
freed. However, it had never crossed my mind that it would
take the priest to free me from such a state, or that my malady
was an extraordinary thing. It is true that when I would lose
consciousness I could see Jesus Christ, but I attributed this
to the Goodness of Our Lord, and would say to myself: “See
how Good the Lord is toward me, that He comes to give me
40