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my confessor, because of the cholera spreading in town, he
was there for six months. My confessor did not give many
reproaches; he would let me remain in that state of sufferings
for one day, and then he would come. So, it was less than
a month since he had withdrawn to the countryside, and it
became known that he was leaving. This was painful for
me not because I was attached, but because of the necessity
I had of him.
So I went to the Lord and I told Him of my pain; and He
said to me: “Do not want to afflict yourself because of this; I
AM the Master of hearts, and I can turn them and turn them
again as I please. If he did some good to you, he has been
nothing but a vessel, which received from Me, and gave to
you. So I will do with the others; what do you fear then? My
dear, as long as you keep turning your eye now to the right,
now to the left, and you let it set now on one thing, now on
another, and you do not have your eye fixed in Me, you will
not be able to walk speedily along the way of Heaven. On the
contrary, you will always be limping and will not be able to
follow the influence of Grace. Therefore I want you to look at
all the things that happen around you with Holy Indifference,
remaining all intent on Me alone.”
After these words, my heart acquired so much Strength,
that I suffered little or nothing from such a great loss, and of
one who had done so much good to my soul.
So it happened that I changed confessor, and I returned to
the confessor who used to confess me when I was little. But,
may the Lord be always Blessed who uses those very ways
which appear to be contrary to us, almost as if they were to
bring harm to our soul, for our greater Good and for His Glory.
So it happened that I began to open my soul, since up to that
point I had not told anything to anyone. As much effort as I
would make over myself, I could not manage; on the contrary,
I would see myself more impotent to tell of the things of my
interior. The blushing I felt at the mere thought of telling
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