Page 41 - volume1

Strength in this state of sufferings; otherwise, how could I
endure it—who would give me the Strength?” It is also true

that when such a state was going to occur, in the morning,
at Communion He would tell me, and in that very state, the
sufferings would come to me from He Himself. But I would
pay attention to none of this; at the mere thought, sometimes,

of telling this to the confessor, I felt I was the proudest soul
that existed in the world if I dared to open my mouth to speak

of these things of seeing Jesus Christ. And I would feel
such blushing, that it was impossible to say anything to that
confessor, as good and holy as he was.

It was so true that I did not think that it would take the
priest to free me, but that this was happening because of the
sanctity of my confessor, that when the time came that he went

away to the countryside, one morning, after Communion, the
Lord made me understand that I was going to be surprised
by that state, inviting me to keep Him company by sharing in
His pains and I immediately said to Him: “Lord, how am

I going to do this the confessor is not here; who is going to
free me? Maybe You want to make me die now?”

And the Lord just told me: “Your Trust must be only
in Me. Be Resigned, because Resignation renders the soul
Luminous, and it keeps all other passions in their place, in
such a way that, attracted by those rays of Light, I go into that

soul and I transform her completely into Myself, and I make
her Live of My Own Life.”

I resigned myself to His Holy Will; I offered that
Communion as the last one of my life, and I gave the last
Good-bye to Jesus in the Sacrament. But, though resigned, I

felt my nature so much, that for that whole day I did nothing
but cry and pray the Lord to give me Strength. In Truth, that
situation turned out to be so very bitter to me, and without

thinking or knowing, I found myself with a new and heavy
Cross, such that I believe it has been the heaviest I have had
in my life. While I was in that state of sufferings, as for me, I

41