Page 59 - volume1

up it is another mortification.”

But I would tell this to Jesus, and He would say to me:
“I want you to ask the question, but with Holy Indifference I
want you to go along with whatever the obedience tells you.”

And so I continued to do.
When about forty days had passed which I had taken

as such from those words that the Lord had spoken (“for a
certain given time”), and which I had related to the confessor
in this way the sufferings continued to surprise me every
day, and he was forced to come every day. The confessor

began to give me the obedience no longer to be in that state,
and he added that if I fell into sufferings, he would not come
any more.

On my part, I felt most ready to do the obedience.
My nature especially wanted to be freed of being in bed
continuously, which, as beautiful as it was, was always

bed. Having to subject myself to everyone, even in the most
repugnant and necessary things of nature, and being forced
to tell them to others, is a true sacrifice. So, my nature did

its office, and felt all consoled in receiving this obedience;
while my soul was ready to do the obedience, and ready to
remain in bed if the Lord wanted it so, because I had begun
to experience how Good He had been with me, and that True

Resignation can change the nature of things, turning bitter
into Sweet.

When he gave me the obedience no longer to stay in bed,
I began to resist, and I said to the Lord: “What can I do? I
can no longer stay, for obedience does not want it. If You

want, give Light to the confessor, and then I will be ready to
do what You want.”

And I spent one entire night clashing with the Lord. When
He would come, I would say to Him: “My dear Jesus, have
patience, do not come, for obedience does not permit that

59