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can this be? After You have made me leave everything, so
much so that I feel as if no one existed for me You want to
leave me alone and abandoned. Have You perhaps forgotten
how bad I am, and that without You I can do nothing?”
And because of this objection, assuming a more serious
look, He would add: “The reason is that I want you to
understand well who you are. See, I do this for your good; do
not be saddened I want to prepare your heart to receive the
Graces which I have designed for you. Up until now I have
assisted you sensibly; now, less sensibly I will make you
touch your nothingness with your own hand; I will fuse you
thoroughly in profound humility, in order to be able to build
most high walls upon you. So, instead of afflicting yourself,
you should rejoice and thank Me, because the more quickly
I make you cross the stormy sea, the sooner you will reach
the Port of Safety; the harder the trials to which I will submit
you, the greater the Graces I will give you. Courage, then,
courage, and I will come back soon.” And in saying this, He
seemed to Bless me, and then He would leave.
Who can say the pain I felt the void He left in my
interior, the bitter tears I shed? But I would resign myself
to His Holy Will. It seemed that from afar I would kiss His
hand which had Blessed me, saying to Him: “Good-bye, O
Holy Spouse, Good-bye.” I felt as if everything was over
for me, because I had only Him, and since He was missing,
no other consolation was left to me, but everything would
convert into most bitter pains.
Even more, creatures themselves would provoke my pain,
in such a way that all the things I would look at, seemed to
say to me: “See, we are works of your Beloved and He,
where is He?”
If I looked at the water, at the fire, at flowers, and even
at stones, immediately my thought would say: “Ah! these
are works of your Spouse. Ah! they have the good of seeing
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