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immediately went inside, I myself did not know where I was; I
felt my heart split with pain. I shouted; crying, I said to Him:

“My Jesus, if only I could help You! If only I could free You
from those wolves so rabid! Ah! I wish at least to suffer those
pains in Your place, to give a relief to my sorrow. O please!

my Good, give me suffering, for it is not fair that You suffer
so much, while I, a sinner, remain without suffering.”

From that time on, I remember that such a great yearning
for suffering ignited within me, that it has not dampened yet.
I also remember that after Communion I would ardently pray

Him to concede me suffering; and sometimes, to content me,
He seemed to take the thorns from His crown and prick my
heart. Other times, I felt Him take my heart in His hands

and squeeze it so tightly, that I felt faint for the pain. When
I realized that people might notice something, and He was
disposed to give me these pains, I would immediately say
to Him: “Lord, what are You doing? I beg You to give me

suffering, but that it be hidden to everyone.” Up to a certain
time, He made me content, but my sins have rendered me
unworthy to suffer hidden, without anyone noticing it.

I remember that many times, after Communion, He said to
me: “You will not be able to truly resemble Me other than by
means of sufferings. Up until now I have been together with

you; now I want to leave you alone a little bit, without letting
Myself be felt. See, up to now I have led you by the hand,

instructing you and correcting you in everything, and you
have done nothing but follow Me. Now I want you to do it by
yourself. However, be more attentive than before, thinking
that My gaze is fixed on you, though I do not let Myself be

heard; and that when I return to make Myself heard, I will
come either to reward you, if you have been faithful to Me, or
to chastise you, if you have been ungrateful to Me.”

I would be so frightened and terrified. Upon such intimation,
I would say to Him: “Lord, my All and my Life, how can I
survive without You who will give me the Strength? How

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