Page 74 - volume1

the Holy Obedience, I would do as much as I could so as not
to think about it, since in my interior there was a continuous

ejaculation of desires of wanting to go. So, for the most part,
my heart calmed down, but not completely. I confess the
truth, I was very deficient in this but what could I do? I
could not restrain myself for me it was a true martyrdom.

My benign Jesus would say to me: “Calm yourself, what
is it that makes you desire Heaven so much?”

I would say to Him: “It is that I want to be always united
with You. My soul can no longer bear being separated from

You not just for one day, but even for a moment. Therefore

I want to come at any cost.”
“Well then,” He would say to me, “if it is because of Me,
I want to make you content I will come and stay with you.”

Then I would say to Him: “But then You leave me, and
I lose sight of You, while in Heaven it is not so—there, I can
never lose sight of You.”

Sometimes, Jesus also wanted to joke, and this is how:
while I would be amid these yearnings, He would come, all
in a hurry, and would say to me: “Do you want to come?”

And I would say to Him: “Where?”
And He: “To Heaven.”
And I: “You really mean that?”
And He: “But, hurry, come, do not delay.”

And I: “Well then, let’s go but I fear You want to make
fun of me.”

And Jesus: “No, no, I really want to take you with Me.”
And while He would say this, I would feel my soul go out of the
body, and together with Jesus, I would set off for Heaven. O! how
happy I would be then, thinking that I had to leave the earth

life seemed to be a sleep to me, and suffering seemed so very
little. As we would reach a high point of Heaven, I would hear
the singing that the Blessed were doing. I would solicit Jesus to

introduce me quickly into that Blessed Dwelling, but Jesus would
begin to slow down.
In my interior I would start to suspect that it wasn’t true

74